Five Lessons I Learned as a Seminary Wife

Greetings! My name is Rosita Haight, and I am married to Nick Haight, a 2011 graduate of The Cornerstone Seminary. He entered seminary 7 years ago, in 2004. We have 6 children, ages 15 years down to 15 months. In 2006, Nick was sent out by Community Bible Church in Vallejo to plant The Cornerstone Bible Church in Sacramento. We will be celebrating our 5th year church anniversary in September. God is faithful!
What I have to share is a testimony of what God has done.
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Five Lessons I Learned as a Seminary Wife
by Rosita Haight

1. Pray First
I learned that I needed to pray first so that God could counsel me before I went to my husband. I found that when I poured out my heart to God and heard my own (often) pitiful prayers, I was convicted over just how weak I was and how my requests were (often) so petty. As I learned to pray first, God would align my will with His, sober me, get my focus off myself, and quiet my anxious heart. Out of those times in prayer would arise the real needs that I could take to my busy husband with the assurance that these were the main things I needed his help with. Psalm 62:8 begins, “Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.” Before talking to your busy husband about your needs, talk first to your heavenly Father so he can help you see what your true needs are.

2. Live According to Life’s Season
Seasons force you to change and do things differently. When it is winter, you put on a coat to go play in the snow. When summer comes, you put on a swimsuit and go to the pool. I have choices to make with each season, and if I’m wise I’ll make the choices that take the most advantage of the new season. If I choose otherwise, I can miss out on some enjoyable things. The same is true for both life in general and life in seminary. There were certain seasons where I had to think soberly (usually during finals) and other seasons when I had to make the best of things on my own (like when my husband was trying to learn Greek or Hebrew). I certainly wasted a few seasons, too, sad that I didn’t have my husband to myself or upset that I wasn’t getting all I thought I needed or worrying about whether the children were happy. As each new season came (a new baby, moving to Sacramento, starting the church, another baby), God helped me adjust and find joy in the change. Paul instructs us in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 to “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” It may take some time, but God is faithful and will show you how to embrace the changes He brings and live according to the season He has allowed.

3. My Support is Crucial
With seminary requirements on top of family needs, work expectations, and ministry demands, my husband would feel emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained. He would often feel like he barely had enough time to catch his breath after being tumbled by one wave before the next wave comes crashing down on him. I learned that by my gentle and calm voice, a reassuring look, or a note of support and encouragement I could speak volumes to his heart and mind. It may have been difficult for me, too, but I saw how much my husband needed me. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” During those times when your husband feels overwhelmed, you need to see how crucial your support is for your husband.

4. Perspective is Everything
Is seminary a blessing or a curse? Believe me, I have felt both. How you answer that question is a matter of perspective. I learned that in life, and most certainly in seminary, perspective is everything. Seminary is just one of the many difficult challenges I will face with my husband. It took some time, but God eventually taught me that He had a greater purpose for me than just surviving seminary. He did this by changing my perspective. Yes, my husband was distracted, busy, overwhelmed and often away, but he was also being trained up and equipped for the work of ministry. He was preparing to plant and pastor a church. This is a great work that God is doing and I not only have a front row seat but a part in the play! I needed to learn that having a husband in seminary is a joy to take part in, not a burden to bear. David said in Psalm 31:14-15, “But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD, I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in Your hand.” Ask God to teach you that the difference between seeing seminary as a burden or a blessing is often a matter of your perspective. Perspective is everything.

5. Christ Really is All I Need
Even though I knew that Christ was all I needed, I still needed to learn that Christ really was all I needed. What I believed in my head needed to make the difference in my heart. From the time we got married, my husband and I enjoyed doing everything together. Seminary, however, meant being apart and taking on a number of things by myself (planning our son’s first birthday party, attending family functions, running various errands). Through all this, God began to show me that I really can be fully satisfied with Him. I really can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. His grace really is sufficient for whatever He allows. Yes, it took time, but I believe I learned. Paul states emphatically in Philippians 4:19, “And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” You love your husband, too. You miss his attention, and long for the day when he will not be away so much in body and mind, but God may want you to learn something very valuable through all this – that Christ really is all you need.