Helping Those Who are Hurting

by Judy Achilles

Q: I’m fearful that I’ll say or do something wrong in trying to comfort those that experience great loss, (death, cancer, etc.) What should I do or not do when someone is hurting?

A: I learned a long time ago to pray for compassion. It is the character trait of great empathy, deep emotional tenderness to another persons’ suffering, along with a desire to relieve that suffering. Be assured that God will answer your prayer as He did mine. Romans 5:5 already affirms that the “love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” So we pray God will actively be demonstrating His love and compassion through us. It is not so much what we say with words; it is our eagerness to provide immediate help. We bring everything from hugs of affirming love to tissues we have placed in our pocket ready for tears we will share together. We bring listening ears that discern the immediate needs, and kind assurance that we will be there as long as needed.

Our anguish comes when we choose to do nothing.

The attitude of compassion is God’s gift for all—lost neighbors, relatives, and those saved whether family or members of the congregation. Be like the Good Samaritan who ministered to the immediate needs first, and extended his compassion with encouragement and long term support. Sometimes “words” usually fall on ears that do not yet have the ability to clearly listen. So many extreme situations—death, cancer, miscarried babies, too many to list!—become like Israel facing the Red Sea. People become full of anger, disappointment, fear and unbelief. And we can’t change it or “fix it!” I know I can’t “part” the Red Sea. But God can! And I have the privilege of compassionately holding their hands as we walk through their “Red Sea” on dry ground together. In time there will be obvious opportunities to share Scripture for comfort, courage, understanding, and in some cases salvation. But the immediate need is to hold tightly to a shattered heart.

My husband was home with me following my surgery for ovarian cancer, and I was in the midst of chemotherapy. He was really not well himself, and I never wanted to bother him with little things. My “Good Samaritans” from church sensed I needed a little assistance. So a couple of gals sat on my couch and just asked “What do you need?” My toenails and fingernails desperately needed trimming, and I didn’t have the strength to use nail clippers; the few remaining strands of hair on my head were not enough to cover anything, and I yearned for lotion on my back…a place I just couldn’t reach! Following a complete nail job, shaved head, styling of my new wig, and an ample supply of lotion, we had a sweet time of prayer, and I thanked God for their compassion and love so freely given to me.

As the pastor’s wife you will be assisting your husband in extending compassion to many families in your community and church. You may desire to stay more intimately connected if it is a woman who is in need of help and especially one involved in your congregation. You can organize a compassion ministry and have a discussion on what were the most effective demonstrations of compassion that touched their lives when they were in time of great need. It is not the words, but the fact you were there ministering the “little things” on their journey through the “Red Sea”.

-Judy and her husband Bob Achilles shared a life of ministry together in the church before he went home to be with the Lord in 2008. He was a pastor, seminary professor, and made many trips overseas to train men in Russia. She continues to serve the Lord at Grace Church of Napa, enjoys teaching and counseling women, and speaking at women's conferences.