Q & A: Ministry Burnout

by Tracy Moore

Question: What exactly is “ministry burnout” and how can we avoid it?

Answer:

One of my fears as a young ministry wife was that I would not be able to “handle” everything God put on my plate. My husband had his own full plate during seminary, and truth be told, he just got a bigger plate after he graduated! While preparing for, and living out a life of ministry we hear about “ministry burnout.” We read statistics of people who walk away from churches after only 3-5 years. We hear of men who are career pastors who lose their perspective and walk away from their pulpits, and sometimes their families. More frequently, we see pastors and their wives who have moved beyond tired and are now truly weary. The good news is that God really has given us everything we need pertaining to life and godliness. You can be assured, ministry wife, that if our Lord has called your husband to this life He has called you as well, and what He calls us to He equips us for! In our years of ministry we have observed and experienced weariness on different levels, and have known God’s great and sustaining grace.

Galatians 6:9 “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” In our experience, ministry burnout is the next step past weariness. Sometimes we grow weary from fatigue or discouragement. Sometimes it is resentment over time constraints or financial issues, or just people. Sometimes it is the sad result of our “Christianity” becoming an academic exercise and lists of do’s and don’ts rather than the joyful pursuit of loving and glorifying our Savior. In our humanness, there will always be the temptation to grow weary. What happens when weariness becomes burnout?

Burnout is ugly, especially for us ladies. Men will often become ineffective, or worse, walk away disillusioned with life in ministry. In my experience, women don’t do that. Women who are burned out, who do not respond to weariness in a biblical way, cause different damage. She will begin by doing things that are “the little foxes that spoil the vines” such as withdrawing, complaining, neglecting people and responsibilities, and having a resentful attitude about anything her husband does that takes him away from the family. She lets herself think God asks too much. If she does not turn around at this point and rely on His grace it may get worse. She may completely withdraw in self pity or she may lash out. This is a woman who will assume the worst about people and their motives, who accuses and slanders. She can even influence her husband to think poorly of people. She may be harsh or neglectful with her family. She has come to the conclusion that if it were not for ministry life she would have an easier time or nicer things or more help at home, and she feels very sorry for herself about how hard things are. She ceases to be her pastor husband’s cheerleader and helper and forces him to cater to her fragile, bitter state. Don’t let it happen to you. Be encouraged, grace abounds! “God is the strength of my life and my portion forever.” Ps. 73:26.

So, since none of us wants to be crazy or mean, how do we avoid that kind of burnout? Like all sanctification, it begins with the heart. Find the great joy to be had in ministry life! Some biblical antidotes to the weariness that leads to burnout are: rest, gratitude, serving others, cultivating perseverance, and viewing it all as an act of worship. Be disciplined in the simple basics of getting rest, caring for your body, and being faithful in your devotions. Being purposely grateful and deliberately content for what He has provided will keep your heart humble and desirous to serve. If you feel yourself losing your perspective, make a Thankfulness List and then go reach out to someone.

Ponder what a privilege it is to be given the opportunity to share your life, to share the hope of redemption, and to exemplify grace in all the ways a ministry family can for Christ! All in one week you might feed 20 people before Bible study, work in children’s ministry, counsel someone, open your home, and show hospitality to your community at your church. Plus, you will have loved, fed, and encouraged the man who will be used of God to shepherd many souls…all before the watchful eyes and hearts of your children. What a blessing!

With people, just persevere. Easier said than done, I know. In our house we remind each other that “it’s never over.” We have had times when a result looked bleak, and years later there is an amazing outcome. It is tempting to be discouraged if you don’t see “success” or the fruit of your labor in a timely way. He is faithful, He asks for faithfulness, and He decides the results.

Lastly, remember it is all for worship. He is worthy of all the sacrifice we can offer. “For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen.” Rm. 11:36. This IS the abundant life! Enjoy!

Tracy is married to Joel Moore, pastor of Crown Valley Community Church in Acton, California.

A Helpful Resource: Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands

by Myra Shealy
Over the past year, my Bible study ladies and I read Paul David Tripp's book Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands. It was one of the best books I have read in a long time about discipleship and ministry, and solidified and expanded my understanding of how God intends to use sinners (in need of change) in the lives of other sinners (also needing change).

At the end of Chapter 14, Tripp sums up the gist of the whole book and articulates the simplicity, yet grandeur of personal ministry in the following couple of paragraphs:

"Two things always come to my mind as I finish teaching this material. First, I am hit with the utter simplicity of biblical personal ministry. It is not a secret technology for the intervention elite, but a simple call to every one of God's children to be part of what God is doing in the lives of others. It is living in humble, honest, redemptive community with others, loving as Christ has loved, and going beyond the casual to really know people. It is loving others enough to speak the truth to them, helping them to see themselves in the mirror of God's Word. And it is standing with others, helping them to do what God has called them to do. It is basically just a call to biblical friendship! It is almost embarrassingly simple: Love people. Know them. Speak truth into their lives. Help them do what God has called them to do.

At the same time, there is a grandeur to personal ministry that cannot be captured with words. God is painting his grace on the canvas of human souls. One day we will stand with him in Glory and see that canvas completed, and we won't be able to do anything but worship. What is our part in all of this? We are God's brushes. He wants to soak us on the palette of his grace and paint more of his goodness on yet another soul. The question is, "Are we soft brushes in his hands?" A hard, dried-out brush doesn't pick up the paint well and mars the surface it was meant to beautify. I hope this book will help you become a soft brush in the hands of a Redeemer who will continue to paint until his canvas is complete."

Tripp's hope, expressed in that last sentence, is my prayer as I set out to apply the principles outlined in this helpful book.

Five Lessons I Learned as a Seminary Wife

Greetings! My name is Rosita Haight, and I am married to Nick Haight, a 2011 graduate of The Cornerstone Seminary. He entered seminary 7 years ago, in 2004. We have 6 children, ages 15 years down to 15 months. In 2006, Nick was sent out by Community Bible Church in Vallejo to plant The Cornerstone Bible Church in Sacramento. We will be celebrating our 5th year church anniversary in September. God is faithful!
What I have to share is a testimony of what God has done.
*****
Five Lessons I Learned as a Seminary Wife
by Rosita Haight

1. Pray First
I learned that I needed to pray first so that God could counsel me before I went to my husband. I found that when I poured out my heart to God and heard my own (often) pitiful prayers, I was convicted over just how weak I was and how my requests were (often) so petty. As I learned to pray first, God would align my will with His, sober me, get my focus off myself, and quiet my anxious heart. Out of those times in prayer would arise the real needs that I could take to my busy husband with the assurance that these were the main things I needed his help with. Psalm 62:8 begins, “Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.” Before talking to your busy husband about your needs, talk first to your heavenly Father so he can help you see what your true needs are.

2. Live According to Life’s Season
Seasons force you to change and do things differently. When it is winter, you put on a coat to go play in the snow. When summer comes, you put on a swimsuit and go to the pool. I have choices to make with each season, and if I’m wise I’ll make the choices that take the most advantage of the new season. If I choose otherwise, I can miss out on some enjoyable things. The same is true for both life in general and life in seminary. There were certain seasons where I had to think soberly (usually during finals) and other seasons when I had to make the best of things on my own (like when my husband was trying to learn Greek or Hebrew). I certainly wasted a few seasons, too, sad that I didn’t have my husband to myself or upset that I wasn’t getting all I thought I needed or worrying about whether the children were happy. As each new season came (a new baby, moving to Sacramento, starting the church, another baby), God helped me adjust and find joy in the change. Paul instructs us in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 to “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” It may take some time, but God is faithful and will show you how to embrace the changes He brings and live according to the season He has allowed.

3. My Support is Crucial
With seminary requirements on top of family needs, work expectations, and ministry demands, my husband would feel emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained. He would often feel like he barely had enough time to catch his breath after being tumbled by one wave before the next wave comes crashing down on him. I learned that by my gentle and calm voice, a reassuring look, or a note of support and encouragement I could speak volumes to his heart and mind. It may have been difficult for me, too, but I saw how much my husband needed me. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” During those times when your husband feels overwhelmed, you need to see how crucial your support is for your husband.

4. Perspective is Everything
Is seminary a blessing or a curse? Believe me, I have felt both. How you answer that question is a matter of perspective. I learned that in life, and most certainly in seminary, perspective is everything. Seminary is just one of the many difficult challenges I will face with my husband. It took some time, but God eventually taught me that He had a greater purpose for me than just surviving seminary. He did this by changing my perspective. Yes, my husband was distracted, busy, overwhelmed and often away, but he was also being trained up and equipped for the work of ministry. He was preparing to plant and pastor a church. This is a great work that God is doing and I not only have a front row seat but a part in the play! I needed to learn that having a husband in seminary is a joy to take part in, not a burden to bear. David said in Psalm 31:14-15, “But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD, I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in Your hand.” Ask God to teach you that the difference between seeing seminary as a burden or a blessing is often a matter of your perspective. Perspective is everything.

5. Christ Really is All I Need
Even though I knew that Christ was all I needed, I still needed to learn that Christ really was all I needed. What I believed in my head needed to make the difference in my heart. From the time we got married, my husband and I enjoyed doing everything together. Seminary, however, meant being apart and taking on a number of things by myself (planning our son’s first birthday party, attending family functions, running various errands). Through all this, God began to show me that I really can be fully satisfied with Him. I really can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. His grace really is sufficient for whatever He allows. Yes, it took time, but I believe I learned. Paul states emphatically in Philippians 4:19, “And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” You love your husband, too. You miss his attention, and long for the day when he will not be away so much in body and mind, but God may want you to learn something very valuable through all this – that Christ really is all you need.