Q: With the instant availability of internet pornography, and countless stories of pastors who fall into sexual sin, what can we wives do to help our husbands remain pure and stand against sexual temptation?
A: Helping your husband starts with prayer. First, pray that his heart would be so captivated by the gracious love and mercy that the Savior has shown him, and His worthiness to be worshiped and treasured above all things, that he would have his eyes and heart full of Christ and live satisfied in Him. Second, pray that your husband would have the wisdom and discernment to be able to see sin for what it is: deceitful and deadly. Sin promises pleasure, but what it delivers is momentary, fleeting, empty, and destructive. Ask God to give him a sober mind to be on the alert against the enemy, who loves to take men out of useful ministry. Also ask God to keep teaching him to rely moment by moment on the power of the Holy Spirit to say "no" to sexual temptation, and "yes" to a life of purity and contentment in Christ alone.
Helping your husband also means working hard to be the wife he longs to come home to. The days get so busy, and it would be easy to neglect your marriage because of the onslaught of all the urgent and necessary things that happen in a day. But it is important to cultivate a loving relationship. Admire him, speak words of praise for his good qualities, and encourage him. Be effusive in expressing your love for him, not only through your words, but with your body language and physical affection. Let him find in your arms a welcoming comfort from the troubles of this world, and the difficulties of ministry. Also, take time to keep yourself attractive for your husband, even giving consideration to his preferences about such things as your clothing and hair. Work hard to make your body strong, healthy, and fit.
It is also important to think Biblically about the sexual relationship as God designed it. If you are married, you are living in the one scenario in which God not only intended sex to be enjoyed, but also commands that it not be neglected, as it is His gift for your intimate joy together. God wants your body to be a gift that you willingly present to your husband. To deprive him of this puts him in a position to be tempted. (1 Cor. 7:5) Do you think about physical intimacy with your husband in this way? Desire your husband and let him know it. Plan times to be alone together. Save some energy for him at the end of the day. Resolve conflicts quickly and don't take them into your bedroom, or punish him by withholding affection when there has been a disagreement.
One pastor who fell to sexual sin said that his wife at home was always critical, complaining, and unhappy, but the woman he counseled (and with whom he fell into sin) was attractive, encouraging, kind, and intentional in her appreciation of him. While that man is completely accountable to God for his own sin, his wife also bears a responsibility for the way she treated him. Don't neglect the power you hold to make a refuge of love at home for your husband.
One other way to help your husband be protected from sexual temptation on the internet is to suggest practical resources. Click the links below to find free software to block objectionable sites on your computer, and to provide accountability.
X3watch (free)
K9 Web Protection (free)
-Myra Shealy
