Long ago I had made a choice to accept God's call in my husband's life. This was not easy for me. I felt very inadequate to have to step into that role, and my mind raced with unrealistic expectations that I thought would be placed on me. Did I struggle? Of course! I'm human. Do I still struggle? Thankfully, my times of difficulty now are few and far between, and the struggles are not the same. But, by God's grace and His great faithfulness I am still standing alongside my husband supporting him. God has brought me from a shy, wall flower-type of person, into a woman who can lead and speak, not only to people, but also in front of people. Notice, ladies, I said, "I accepted the call of God in my husband's life." It's your husband's calling to the pastorate. Your calling is to be the helper suitable to your husband and the mother to your children that God has designed you to be. With much chiseling from God through the years, I have found great fulfillment and satisfaction in this role. As in any worthwhile position in life, along with the satisfaction, comes much sacrifice and struggle. Obedience to God doesn't come easy. After all, Eve was the 'mother of us all'. We all still have a particle of that old sinful nature abiding within us which wages war with our new spiritual nature until we get to heaven. Therefore, our attitudes can portray Eve's deceived attitude, instead of emulating Christ's attitude of humility.
When we have the humility of Christ, we are able to acclimate to the lot God has for us in this life. "Consider the work of God; For who can make straight what He has made crooked? In the day of prosperity be joyful, But in the day of adversity consider: Surely God has appointed the one as well as the other." (Eccl. 7:13, 14) Thomas Boston, from his book, 'The Crook in the Lot', said this, "Consider the work of God, namely in the crooked, rough, and the disagreeable parts of thy lot, the crosses thou findest in it. . . .see the doing of God in it, the doing of His hand. Look at that, and consider it well; . . .For who can make that straight which God hath made crooked? As to the crook in thy lot, God hath made it; and it must continue while He will have it so. . . .Only He who made it can mend it, or make it straight." God did not promise that we wouldn't have hardships and trials, but He did promise that He would give us the strength to get through them. (I Corinthians 10:13; II Corinthians 12:9, 10) I have met women through the years that do not want to 'come under God's mighty hand', but have manipulated the situation in order to have their own way, subtly usurping their husband's authority. They had not only begun the dismantling process of their husband's ministry and their marriage, but also the hardening of a heart that has become discontented and embittered. Rather than accepting the lot given them (location, type of ministry, the people in that local church, disobedient children, etc.) like Eve, they are deceived into thinking the apples are better on the other side of the fence. But the apples are filled with rottenness and leave a lasting bitter taste in their mouths.
Over 35 years ago, I recited vows to my husband at the altar; not only to him and before a score of witnesses, but more importantly, before God. The words, 'for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, submitting to him as unto the Lord' are as significant today as they were then. I could add to that Ruth's words to her mother-in-law, "where you go, I will go, where you lodge, I will lodge, your people will be my people. . .". Because I determined years ago to accept my husband's calling as a pastor and to acclimate to whatever lot God had for us, I can look back on the good times as well as the bad times and give God all the praise and glory for His faithfulness. He has kept me from giving in to struggles and adversities which could undermine and dismantle my husband's ministry. God never said that it would be easy, for we share in the sufferings of Christ. (I Peter 4:12, 13) The relationship with my God and Savior, the ministry that He has given us, and our church family supersedes any hardships or heartaches we as a couple have come through. Jesus promised, "Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or parents or brothers or wife or children, for the sake of the Kingdom of God, who shall not receive many times more in this present time, and in the age to come eternal life." (Luke 18:29, 30) What a wonderful promise. I have seen and am still seeing the fruition of that promise. God has truly given back to us 100+ fold. Whatever sacrifices were made through the years, He has heaped blessings through friends and acquaintances all over the world, a church family who loves us, and children who are His.
Ladies, don't be tempted to listen to the lie, but completely trust God's sovereign control and care in your lives, having a reverent acceptance of His holy will that anticipates the revelation of all its goodness and perfection. Don't take matters into your own hands, but leave them with God. "When we can't trace His hand, we can always trust His heart." C. H. Spurgeon
Karen is married to Steve Fernandez, pastor of Community Bible Church for over 30 years, and president of The Cornerstone Seminary in Vallejo, Ca.
